Nightfall, a Twilight parody - Part 6: Scary Stories

The one where Bella goes to the beach with her human friends and pathetically tries to flirt.

Vamos a la playa, a mí me gusta bailar, el ritmo de la noche, salsa, fiesta.

Unnecesary whining: 21.

Bad foreshadowing: 5.

General bitchiness: 7.

Mary Sue tendencies: 6.

Mineral eyes: 2.

Velvet voice of doom: 2.

Random misused words: 2.

Do I dazzle you?: 4.

Chagrin: 1.

I was trying to read Macbeth, but in reality I was waiting to hear the sound of my truck, without giving a thought to how creepy it was that a boy had taken my car without permission and knew where I live even thought I hadn't told him.

"So what did Edward Cullen want yesterday?" Jessica asked in Trig.
"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "He never really got to the point."
"You looked kind of mad," she fished.
"Did I?" I kept my expression blank.
"You know, I've never seen him sit with anyone but his family before. That was weird."
"Weird," I agreed. She seemed annoyed; she flipped her dark curls impatiently — I guessed she'd been hoping to hear something that would make a good story for her to pass on.
1) Why use dashes there when you can make it a full sentence?
2) Or maybe she's upset that Edward was annoying her friend.

I intercepted a few unfriendly glances from Lauren during lunch, which I didn't understand until we were all walking out of the room together. I was right behind her, just a foot from her slick, silver blond hair, and she was evidently unaware of that.

"…don't know why Linda" — she sneered my name— "doesn't just sit with the Mullets from now on."
That's stupid, Lauren. She has only talk to Edward once, and she doesn't know the rest of the Cullens at all.

I heard her muttering to Mike. I'd never noticed what an unpleasant, nasal voice she had, and I was surprised by the malice in it. I really didn't know her well at all, certainly not well enough for her to dislike me— or so I'd thought. Hold on, hold on. Let us go back to chapter 4.

I suggested — with casual innocence — that maybe Angela, the shy girl who had Biology with me, could ask Eric. And Lauren, a standoffish girl who had always ignored me at the lunch table, could ask Tyler; I'd heard he was still available.

So you knew that she didn't like you, and you didn't like her either. Don't act like you didn't know, you two-faced little bitch.

And since we're on it, Bella has issues. She depresses over one person not liking her.

I was like that once. My main goal was being friends with anybody, so when I found people that didn't like me, I immediatly thought there was something wrong with me, and I would bend over backwards to please those people. And that's actually a self-esteem problem.

Some person once told me:

Mia, hear this. You're not worse than anyone else. You're not better than anyone else. You're equal to anyone else. You're just you, and that's okay. You cannot please everybody. There's always gonna be someone who doesn't like you, but that's not your fault, because you're not perfect - nobody is -, but you're perfect the way you are.

Anyway...

"She's my friend; she sits with us," Mike whispered back loyally, but also a bit territorially. So maybe next time poor Mike Newton shouldn't stand up for his ungrateful friend. I paused to let Jess and Angela pass me. I didn't want to hear any more.

That night at dinner, Charlie seemed enthusiastic about my trip to La Push in the morning. I think he felt guilty for leaving me home alone on the weekends, but he'd spent too many years building his habits to break them now. Of course he knew the names of all the kids going, and their parents, and their great-grandparents, too, probably. He seemed to approve. I wondered if he would approve of my plan to ride to Seattle with Edward Cullen. Not that I was going to tell him. Oh, good idea! That way, if he eats you, Charlie will never know who killed you!

"Dad, do you know a place called Goat Rocks or something like that? I think it's south of Mount Rainier," I asked casually.
"Yeah — why?"
I shrugged. "Some kids were talking about camping there."
"It's not a very good place for camping." He sounded surprised. "Too many bears. Most people go there during the hunting season."
"Oh," I murmured. "Maybe I got the name wrong." You keep using that word. I'm going to start to count it.
Murmur: 3.

Finally, Friday arrived. Beach excursion! Mike Newton was after me again, and I felt chagrined.
Chagrin: 2.

After half an hour, some guys wanted to go to the tide pools, where I might or might not fall in. I decided to go because that Lauren hag wasn't going.

It was relaxing to sit with Angela; she was a restful kind of person to be around — she didn't feel the need to fill every silence with chatter. She left me free to think undisturbed while we ate. While I, too, like quiet people, given Bella's treatment of Jessica, I think she just likes quiet people so she doesn't have to pretend to listen to them. And I was thinking about how disjointedly time seemed to flow in Forks, passing in a blur at times, with single images standing out more clearly than others. And then, at other times, every second was significant, etched in my mind. I knew exactly what caused the difference, and it disturbed me. It SHOULD.

We arrived to the tide pools and some Indian guy was glaring at me. Then he introduced to me.

"I'm Jacob Black." He held his hand out in a friendly gesture. "You bought my dad's truck."

"Oh," I said, relieved, shaking his sleek hand. "You're Billy's son. I probably should remember you."
"No, I'm the youngest of the family — you would remember my older sisters."

"Rachel and Rebecca," I suddenly recalled. Charlie and Billy had thrown us together a lot during my visits, to keep us busy while they fished. We were all too shy to make much progress as friends. Of course, I'd kicked up enough tantrums to end the fishing trips by the time I was eleven. You brat. And I'm supposed to like this character?

Rachel was in college, and Rebeca was married. How could she be married already? She was so young.  Ooh, the irony.
"So how do you like the truck?" he asked.
"I love it. It runs great."
"Yeah, but it's really slow," he laughed. "I was so relived when Chucky bought it. My dad wouldn't let me work on building another car when we had a perfectly good vehicle right there."
"It's not that slow," I objected.
"Have you tried to go over sixty?"
"No," I admitted. Jesus, how slowly does Bella drive?
"Good. Don't." He grinned.
Then Lauren made a snarky remark about the Mullets. One Indian guy said the Cullens aren't allowed in the reservation. It sounded suspicious. Now I noticed there was a sign next to me that read, "No vampires allowed."
I thought of using Jacob to get information. Bitch. I know, I'll flirt with him! Oh, this should be fun. My flirting consists of:

• Looking from underneth my eyelashes. Dafuq.
• Fluttering my eyelids. Jesus Christ. She does that a lot in the movie. And what about biting your lip?
• Complimenting Jacob a lot.

So the Mullets were vampires. What a surprise!

Chapter 1
Chapter 5
Chapter 7