The one were Bella obsesses about Edward and rejects all the boys in her school. Meanwhile, Edward stalks her.
We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people tonight. We especially welcome all the representatives of Illinois' law inforcement community who have chosen to join us in the Palace Hotel ballroom at this time. We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there's still some things that make us all the same: you, me, them, everybody. Everybody. Everybody need somebody, everybody needs somebody to love, someone to love (someone to love), sweetheart to miss (sweetheart to miss), sugar to kiss (sugar to kiss).
Unnecesary whining: 18.
Bad foreshadowing: 3.
General bitchiness: 6.
Mary Sue tendencies: 5.
Mineral eyes: 1.
Velvet voice of doom: 2.
Random misused words: 2.
Do I dazzle you?: 2.
I dreamt of Edmund every night. It was dark and he was sparkling, and in my dream I chased him. I woke up and got ready for school as I thought, Wow, that's gotta be the worst foreshadowing in the world!
Bad foreshadowing: 4.
Bad foreshadowing: 4.
After the accident, Tyler chased me and became my new admirer. Oh no! Chandler Bing can explain why this is stupid.
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| Unnecesary whining: 19. |
No one had noticed Edmund standing so far away, and, with chagrin, Ooh! Chagrin! I've heard about this word!
Chagrin: 1.
I realized I was the only one who noticed because I was obsessed with him. Hallelujah! Congrats! Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Maybe in Chapter 5 you'll realize what a rude, apathic little bitch you are and we'll see some character development!
Chagrin: 1.
I realized I was the only one who noticed because I was obsessed with him. Hallelujah! Congrats! Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Maybe in Chapter 5 you'll realize what a rude, apathic little bitch you are and we'll see some character development!
Edmund was never surrounded by crowds of curious bystanders eager for his firsthand account. People avoided him as usual. The Mullets and the Hales sat at the same table as always, not eating, talking only among themselves. None of them, especially Edmund, glanced my way anymore. That's stupid. If no one is looking your way, how can Edward be looking your way less?
Despite my outright lies, Ah-ha! Lies! the tenor of my e-mails alerted Renée to my depression, Depression? Just because Edward doesn't like you? Overly dramatic teenager alert! and she called a few times, worried. I tried to convince her it was just the weather that had me down.
Unnecesary whining: 20.
I continued to obsess about Edmund untill March. Then my friend Jessica asked for permission to ask the dog (Mike) out for the dance. I gave her my permission and wondered if she was around me for my popularity more than because she cared around me, even though she only has been nice to me so far and she was the one who made me popular in the first place by inviting me in her social circle. Well, she has made sure you were okay with her asking him.
The next day, I found out Mike had turned Jessica down because he'd rather go out with me.
Seriously, dude?
Jessica is very pretty, cheerful and although
Meyer tries really hard to portray her in a
bad light, I think she's nice and funny.
Meyer tries really hard to portray her in a
bad light, I think she's nice and funny.
Bella, on the other hand, is also pretty, but she doesn't care about her looks. She's rude, self centered, apathic, whiny, mopey, boring, awkward and she insults you all the time.
I rejected Mike once more. Edmund was staring. I told him I was going to Seattle. Lie!
Edmund called my name sweetly, then told me it was better that we weren't friends and then, proving he had some kind of bipolar disorder, got mad for no reason at all.
I killed a lot of people in gym class. Seriously, is it even possible to be that clumsy? And I'm saying it as a clumsy person myself. Then, as I got in my car, every single student at Spoons High School came to ask me out. I rejected them all. I only like really hot creepers. I bit my lip. I bet in acting schools they call this the Bella method: bite lip when upset, stare blankly when happy.
I went home. I started cooking dinner. The phone rang. It was Jessica. Mike had accepted her invitation for the dance and she was delighted. I decided to use my other friends to get rid of my stalkers, so I told Angela and Lauren to ask Eric and Tyler to the dance. Manipulative bitch. I hung up and continued to obsess about Edmund.
The next morning, Edmund stalked me at school, and I asked him, savvily enough, if he was bipolar. Holy shit! I never tought this day was coming! I finally agree with Bella!
"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday — you know, the day of the spring dance —"
"Are you trying to be funny?" I interrupted him, wheeling toward him. My face got drenched as I looked up at his expression.
His eyes were wickedly amused. "Will you please allow me to finish?"I bit my lip and clasped my hands together, interlocking my fingers, so I couldn't do anything rash.
"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride." Creeper alert.
That was unexpected.
"What?" I wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"Do you want a ride to Seattle?"
"With who?" I asked, mystified.
"Myself, obviously." He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped. He is.
I was still stunned. "Why?"
"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck
can make it."
"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern." I started to walk again, but I was too
surprised to maintain the same level of anger.
"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" He matched my pace again.
"I don't see how that is any of your business." Stupid, shiny Volvo owner. LOL.
"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."
"Honestly, Edward." I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I hated it. "I can't keep up with
you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."
"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."
"Oh, thanks, now that's all cleared up." Heavy sarcasm. LMFAO. That's not even a sentence. I realized I had stopped walking again. We were under the shelter of the cafeteria roof now, so I could more easily look at his face. Which certainly didn't help my clarity of thought.
"It would be more… prudent for you not to be my friend," he explained. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn't remember how to breathe. It's impossible to be so dumb.
"Will you go with me to Seattle?" he asked, still intense.
I couldn't speak yet, so I just nodded.
He smiled briefly, and then his face became serious.
"You really should stay away from me," he warned. "I'll see you in class."
He turned abruptly and walked back the way we'd come.
Okay, this is NOT romantic. As horrible a person as Bella is, she's still a human being, and doesn't deserve Edward's treatment. He acts like he's superior and laughs at her.
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