♪Manah Manah do do do do do Manah Manah do do do do Manah Manah do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do♪
The one where Bella/Linda whines about basically everything as I get more and more exasperated, nearly gets killed (but doesn't - crap), and obsesses about Edward/Edmund.
♪I'm burning through the sky, yeah, two hundred degrees, that's why they call me Mr. Farenheit, I'm travelling at the speed of light, I wanna make a supersonic woman of you!♪
Unnecesary whining: 17.
Bad foreshadowing: 3.
General bitchiness: 6.
Mary Sue tendencies: 5.
Mineral eyes: 1.
Velvet voice of doom: 2.
Random misused words: 2.
Do I dazzle you?: 1.
It was the light. Dammit! It was sunnier. I looked out of the window. Oh no! It was snowing!
Unnecesary whining: 18.
Unnecesary whining: 18.
I thought that maybe I shouldn't go to school because I'm so clumsy I could kill myself, but I went anyway because I'm very brave.
I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton. That's gotta be the worst sentence ever. It sounds like Ms. Klutz has dropped everything on the kitchen floor. I felt excited to go to school, and that scared me. I knew it wasn't the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating,
or seeing my new set of friends. What friends? You hate everybody! If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edmund Mullet, even though I hardly knew him. Seriously? At this point in the book, Bella has seen Edward twice and spoken to him once, and it wasn't a nice conversation. And that was very, very stupid. At least you admit it.
Do I dazzle you?: 2.
I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday. NO. You should be avoiding him entirely because he treated you like shit and he's creepy. I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him, See? Is that romantic? and I was still tongue-tied whenever I pictured his perfect face. How shallow are you? You know, I've dated pretty boys, but dumped them after I discovered how much of a jerk they were. For you, Edward's horrible personality doesn't matter, because he's OH-SO-PRETTY! I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch. What league? The League Of Antisocial Snobs? Steph, did you write that sentence just to make Ed & Bells' love seem more tragic? Well, you FAILED EPICALLY!
Do I dazzle you?: 2.
I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday. NO. You should be avoiding him entirely because he treated you like shit and he's creepy. I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him, See? Is that romantic? and I was still tongue-tied whenever I pictured his perfect face. How shallow are you? You know, I've dated pretty boys, but dumped them after I discovered how much of a jerk they were. For you, Edward's horrible personality doesn't matter, because he's OH-SO-PRETTY! I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch. What league? The League Of Antisocial Snobs? Steph, did you write that sentence just to make Ed & Bells' love seem more tragic? Well, you FAILED EPICALLY!
When I arrived at school, I saw why I had had no problems driving: Chucky had put snow chains. He cared about me! I wanted to cry. So, what's odd about your father worrying about you? Sure, he's not very talkative and he prefers watching baseball, but he's still your father and he loves you. That can't be the first nice thing he or Renée have done for you. Then I heard an odd sound.
OMG TYLER'S VAN! I'M GOING TO DIE! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! Go team Tyler's van! Team Tyler's van FTW! Even though I was about to die, I took time to admire Edmund. You need professional help.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Edmund said, and ran to save my life. He did, luckily for me and unluckuly for the rest of the world.
"Be careful," he warned as I struggled. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."
"No I didn't," I replied. He hit my head pretty hard.
"I told you so."
Then I argued with Edmund because he said he was right next to me, and I know he wasn't.
Now, there's two problems I have with this.
They took us to the hospital, and I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace. Why?
To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away. Dafuq? Are you embarrrased by your father being worried about you when you've had an accident?
"Linda!" he yelled in panic when he recognized me on the stretcher.
"I'm completely fine, Chuck — Dad," I sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me." What's with calling your dad Charlie? It's a lack of respect.
There was another flurry of hospital personnel, another stretcher brought to the bed next to me. I recognized Tyler Crowley from my Government class beneath the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around his head. Tyler looked a hundred times worse than I felt. But he was staring anxiously at me.
"Linda, I'm so sorry!"
"I'm fine, Tyler — you look awful, are you all right?" As we spoke, nurses began unwinding his soiled bandages, exposing a myriad of shallow slices all over his forehead and left cheek. I thought you were hemophobic. Shouldn't you be cringing or anything? I'm hemophobic myself, and whenever I see blood my vision turns blurry. Oh well. So much for characterization.
Tyler kept harrasing me, apologizing on and on and on. I told him over and over that I was fine, but he pressed on. Obviously. You might be fine, but he's not. He knows that if Edward hadn't been there, it would have been the end, and he feels guilty. He's traumatized.
Dr. Mullet came in. He was super hot. I drooled. Ew.
I got up, and almost fell. Dr. Mullet looked concerned.
"I'm fine," I assured him again. No need to tell him my balance problems had nothing to do with hitting my head. Actually, you should. He's your doctor, after all.
I argued with Edmund, then I went home. Bella asked for an explanation, which is completely logical. Edward acted like a jer. This shit is not romantic.
"Why does it matter?"
"It matters to me," I insisted. "I don't like to lie You lie all the time. From now on, every time you lie, I'll point it out. — so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."I was scandalized because Chucky had told Renée, even though that's the logical thing to do. I didn't want to call her. I didn't like the fact that my parents cared about me, so I went to bed and dreamt of Edmund. Oh dear.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
Then I argued with Edmund because he said he was right next to me, and I know he wasn't.
Now, there's two problems I have with this.
- How come NO ONE noticed Edward travelling at the speed of light and stopping a car with his bare hands? Siriusly, dude.
- It's implied that Edward saved Bella because he was in love with her. What if the person who almost got killed hadn't been Bella? What if it had been, let's say, Jessica? Would Edward just have let her die? This is awful, and doesn't fit with the whole "vegetarian vampire because I want to protect humans" thing. Siriusly.
To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away. Dafuq? Are you embarrrased by your father being worried about you when you've had an accident?
"Linda!" he yelled in panic when he recognized me on the stretcher.
"I'm completely fine, Chuck — Dad," I sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me." What's with calling your dad Charlie? It's a lack of respect.
They put me in the emergency room, a long room with a line of beds separated by pastel-patterned curtains. A nurse put a pressure cuff on my arm and a thermometer under my tongue. Since no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided I wasn't obligated to wear the stupid-looking neck brace anymore. When the nurse walked away, I quickly unfastened the Velcro and threw it under the bed. So you think you know better than the doctors.
There was another flurry of hospital personnel, another stretcher brought to the bed next to me. I recognized Tyler Crowley from my Government class beneath the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around his head. Tyler looked a hundred times worse than I felt. But he was staring anxiously at me.
"Linda, I'm so sorry!"
"I'm fine, Tyler — you look awful, are you all right?" As we spoke, nurses began unwinding his soiled bandages, exposing a myriad of shallow slices all over his forehead and left cheek. I thought you were hemophobic. Shouldn't you be cringing or anything? I'm hemophobic myself, and whenever I see blood my vision turns blurry. Oh well. So much for characterization.
Tyler kept harrasing me, apologizing on and on and on. I told him over and over that I was fine, but he pressed on. Obviously. You might be fine, but he's not. He knows that if Edward hadn't been there, it would have been the end, and he feels guilty. He's traumatized.
Dr. Mullet came in. He was super hot. I drooled. Ew.
I got up, and almost fell. Dr. Mullet looked concerned.
"I'm fine," I assured him again. No need to tell him my balance problems had nothing to do with hitting my head. Actually, you should. He's your doctor, after all.
I argued with Edmund, then I went home. Bella asked for an explanation, which is completely logical. Edward acted like a jer. This shit is not romantic.
"Why does it matter?"
"It matters to me," I insisted. "I don't like to lie You lie all the time. From now on, every time you lie, I'll point it out. — so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."I was scandalized because Chucky had told Renée, even though that's the logical thing to do. I didn't want to call her. I didn't like the fact that my parents cared about me, so I went to bed and dreamt of Edmund. Oh dear.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
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