Guys, it's been a month, but I couldn't force myself to do this - Christmas is supposed to be a time of happiness.
Unnecesary whining: 23.
Bad foreshadowing: 5.
General bitchiness: 8.
Mary Sue tendencies: 7.
Mineral eyes: 2.
Velvet voice of doom: 2.
I do not think it means what you think it means: 5.
Do I dazzle you?: 6.
Chagrin: 2.
Murmur: 5.
"Can I ask just one more?" I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street. He didn't seem to be paying any attention to the road. WTF. I guess he reads the road's mind?
He sighed."One," he agreed.
"Well… you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that."
"I followed your scent." He looked at the road, giving me time to compose my face. I couldn't think of an acceptable response to that, but I filed it carefully away for future study.
"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…" I stalled.
He looked at me with disapproval. That is not an appropiate response. "Which one?"
"How does it work — the mind-reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family… ?" I felt silly, asking for clarification on make-believe. Bella, I think you're silly for several reason: you're rude, whiny, bitchy, shallow, smug and clingy.
But!
I do not think you're silly for wanting to know more about mind reading. I would too. It's interesting.
"That's more than one," he pointed out. I simply intertwined my fingers and gazed at him, waiting.
"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's… 'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." He paused thoughtfully. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum — a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear.
"Most of the time I tune it all out — it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal" —
he frowned as he said the word — "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than
their words."
"Why do you think you can't hear me?" I asked curiously.
Yes, why is that? We never get an explanation better than 'Bella is a SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE!' or the even worse explanation from Breaking Dawn, 'It was her vampire power all along'.
"I don't know," he murmured. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."
Murmur: 6.
"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" YES. The words bothered me more than they should — probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed.
"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak," he laughed. "Don't worry, it's just a
theory…" Hint: it's because she's empty. His face tightened. "Which brings us back to you."
I sighed. How to begin?
"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" he reminded me softly.
I looked away from his face for the first time, trying to find words. I happened to notice the speedometer.
"Holy crow!" Gosh dang it to heck! I shouted. "Slow down!"
"What's wrong?" He was startled. But the car didn't decelerate.
"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" I was still shouting.
"Relax, Bella." He rolled his eyes, still not slowing.
"Are you trying to kill us?" I demanded. Why is everyone demanding in this book? Are they really so unlikable? It's just like in The Princess Bride when Fezzini kept using the word 'inconceivable' until it lost its real meaning.
 |
| I do not think it means what you think it means: 6. |
"We're not going to crash." You bastard. Even if you have amazing reflexes, Bella's car does not. Even if you're inmortal, Bella is not. Jackass.
"Enough commentary on my driving," he snapped. "I'm still waiting for your latest theory."
I bit my lip. ENOUGH WITH THE LIP BITING ALREADY! He looked down at me, his honey eyes unexpectedly gentle. We get it! His eyes are yellow!
"I won't laugh," he promised.
"I ran into an old family friend —Jacob Black," I continued. "His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."
He still looked confused.
"His dad is one of the Quileute elders." I watched him carefully. His confused expression froze in place. You don't really need the word 'confused' there.
"We went for a walk —" I edited all my scheming out of the story Of course. If Edward could read your thoughts, he'd know how unlikable you are and dump you ipso facto. "— and he was telling me some old legends — What are all those dashes doing there? trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" I hesitated.
"Go on," he said.
"About vampires." I realized I was whispering. I couldn't look at his face now. But I saw his knuckles tighten convulsively on the wheel. Run. RUN! "Dammit, Bella! Why did you make me hit you?"
"And you immediately thought of me?" Still calm. That's neither a sentence nor an appropiate reaction.
"No. He… mentioned your family."
He was silent, staring at the road. I was worried suddenly, worried about protecting Jacob. A-ha! Because, deep down, she knows he's dangerous!
"He just thought it was a silly superstition," I said quickly. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it." It didn't seem like enough; I had to confess. "It was my fault, I forced him to tell me."
"Why?"
"Lauren said something about you — she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him," I admitted, hanging my head.
He startled me by laughing. Laughing at her, again. I glared up at him. He was laughing, but his eyes were fierce, staring ahead.
"Tricked him how?" he asked.
"I tried to flirt — it worked better than I thought it would." Disbelief colored my tone as I remembered.
"I'd like to have seen that." He chuckled darkly. Why does he keep chuckling darkly? What does that even mean? Is that like an evil laugh? "And you accused me of dazzling people — poor Jacob Black."
I blushed and looked out my window into the night.
"What did you do then?" he asked after a minute.
"I did some research on the Internet."
"And did that convince you?" His voice sounded barely interested. But his hands were clamped hard onto the steering wheel. Be a good girl. If you do all that, maybe I won't punish you too much. Maybe you'll be able to go out of the house in two days, no two weeks — or something like that. It's been a while since I read It.
"No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…" I stopped.
"What?"
"I decided it didn't matter," I whispered.
"It didn't matter?" His tone made me look up — I had finally broken through his carefully composed mask. His face was incredulous, with just a hint of the anger I'd feared.
"No," I said softly. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."
A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human!"
"No."
He was silent, staring straight ahead again. His face was bleak and cold.
"You're angry," I sighed. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"No," he said, but his tone was as hard as his face. "I'd rather know what you're thinking — even if what you're thinking is insane."
"So I'm wrong again?" I challenged.
"That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" he quoted, gritting his teeth together.
"I'm right?" I gasped.
"Does it matter?"
I took a deep breath.
"Not really." I paused. "But I am curious."
"What are you curious about?"
"How old are you?"
"Seventeen," he answered promptly.
"And how long have you been seventeen?"
His lips twitched as he stared at the road. "A while," he admitted at last. That's a bit pedophiliac, but that doesn't worry me too much - after all, vampires don't age. Then Edward dismisses all of the vampire characteristics to prove that Meyer just didn't care.
(...)
"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," I suggested, my voice still tinged with desperation.
"I don't want to be a monster."
"But animals aren't enough?"
He paused. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger — or rather thirst. But it keens (keeps) us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." His tone turned ominous. "Sometimes it's more difficult than others." You see, a lot of people find it's stupid that they call themselves vegetarian. I don't. It's kind of an inside joke, and I like to be fair.
"Is it very difficult for you now?" I asked.
He sighed. "Yes." Ruuuuun!
"But you're not hungry now," I said confidently — stating, not asking.
"Why do you think that?"
"Your eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people — men in particular — are crabbier when they're hungry."
He chuckled. "You are observant, aren't you?" The same person who forgets to breathe.
I didn't answer; I just listened to the sound of his laugh, committing it to memory.
"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" I asked when it was quiet again.
"Yes." He paused for a second, as if deciding whether or not to say something. "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."
"Why didn't you want to leave?"
"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you." Oh my, the codependency stats.
"You might have called me," I decided.
He was puzzled. "But I knew you were safe."
"But I didn't know where you were. I —" I hesitated, dropping my eyes.
"What?" His velvety voice was compelling.
Velvet voice of doom: 3.
"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." I blushed to be saying this out loud.
"Ah," he groaned quietly. "This is wrong." You're absolutely right!
I couldn't understand his response. "What did I say?"
"(...) It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella — please, grasp that." Well, then, leave her alone!
"No." I tried very hard not to look like a sulky child.
"I'm serious," he growled.
"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."
His voice whipped out, low and harsh. "Never say that."
I bit my lip Aaaaargh! Don't make me start to count angsty lip biting! and was glad he couldn't know how much that hurt. What hurt? Biting your lip?
"What are you thinking?" he asked, his voice still raw. That would be cute in other circumstances, but here it's just Edward being creepy because he needs to know what everyone is thinking. I just shook my head, not sure if I could speak. I read that as 'I wasn't sure I was allowed to speak', and was confused as hell for a few seconds. Then again, it wouldn't be surprising considering their relationship.
"Are you crying?" He sounded appalled. I hadn't realized the moisture Hey! That's one of your favourite words, isn't it? You've misused it four times already! in my eyes had brimmed over. I quickly rubbed my hand across my cheek, and sure enough, traitor tears Traitor tears? Really? were there, betraying me.
"No," I said, but my voice cracked.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he sighed, and I knew he wanted me to leave now.
"Tomorrow, then." I opened the door unwillingly.
"Bella?" I turned and he was leaning toward me, his pale, glorious face just inches from mine. My heart stopped beating. If you mean that literally, you should get that checked out.
"Sleep well," he said. His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent that clungb to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form. I blinked, thoroughly dazed. He leaned away.
Do I dazzle you?: 7.
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was eerie. Second, there was part of Stephenie — and I didn't know how bonkers that part may be — that found this shit romantic. And third I was unconditionally and irrevocably chagrined that I had once been a Twihard.
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